Story~

very 1st song:Jenny

he calls me baby
then she wont call me
says she adores me
and then ignores me
(Jenny, What's the problem?)

She keeps her distance
and sits on fences
puts up resistance
and builds defenses
(Jenny, Whats the problem?)

You keep me hanging on the line
everytime you change your mind

First you say you wont
then you say you will
you keep me hanging on
but we're not moving on
we're standing still
Jenny, you've got me on my knees
Jenny, It's killing me

She needs her own space
she's playing mind games
ends up at my place
saying that she's changed
(Jenny, what's the problem?)

I'm trying to read between the lines
you got me going out of my mind

First you say you wont
then you say you will
you keep me hanging on
but we're not moving on
we're standing still
Jenny, you've got me on my knees
Jenny, It's killing me

(ohh ohh ooohhhh)
It's killing me
(ohh ohh ooohhhh)
It's killing me
(ohh ohh ooohhhh)
Jenny

First you say you wont
then you say you will
you keep me hanging on
but we're not moving on
we're standing still
Jenny, you've got me on my knees
Jenny, It's killing me

First you say you wont
then you say you will
you keep me hanging on
but we're not moving on
we're standing still
Jenny, you've got me on my knees
Jenny, It's killing me

It's killing me

Jenny

Soon enough. Buay tahan all the craps..
"Separated"

Oh no, no, no, no

If love was a bird
Then we wouldn't have wings
If love was a sky
We'd be blue
If love was a choir
You and I could never sing
Cause love isn't for me and you

If love was an Oscar
You and I could never win
Cause we can never act out our parts
If love is the Bible
Then we are lost in sin
Because its not in our hearts

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

If love was a fire
Then we have lost the spark
Love never felt so cold
If love was a light
Then we're lost in the dark
Left with no one to hold

If love was a sport
We're not on the same team
You and I are destined to lose
If love was an ocean
Then we are just a stream
Cause love isn't for me and you

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

Girl I know we had some good times
It's sad but now we gotta say goodbye
Girl you know I love you, I can't deny
I can't say we didn't try to make it work for you and I
I know it hurts so much but it's best for us
Somewhere along this windy road we lost the trust
So I'll walk away so you don't have to see me cry
It's killing me so, why don't you go

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

Then a "Just an old boyfriend" [Still missing but just an old boyfriend]

I see you on the street
My broken heart still skips a beat
I hear your name inside I go insane
Baby each day that we don't touch
is one more day it hurts too much
I can't forget the love that we made

But there'll come the moment that we're gonna meet (again)
Baby it won't even bother me
Trying to make it to the day you'll be
Just an old boyfriend
Won't be thinking of you every night
Only wishing we could only try
Won't tear me up inside
Just an old boyfriend

Anyone can see the love we killed is killing me
I'm just so sad to lose what we had - Oh yeah
There's no doubt that I should be ok by now
But I'm not there yet
It hurts me so bad but

From the moment that we're gonna meet (again)
Baby it won't even bother me
I'll be looking to the day you'll be
just an old boyfriend
Won't be thinking of you every night
Only be wishing we could only try
You won't tear me up inside
just an old boyfriend

Nothing more and nothing less
No more living with regret
Your memory won't get
The best of me,the best of me
Oh you're gonna see

[Chorus x2]


*Come with a "Teardrops on my guitar" [soon met someone but ...]

[Verse 1:]
Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see,
That I want and I'm needing, everything that we should be,
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about,
And she's got ev'rything that I have to live without...

Drew talks to me, I laugh 'cause it's just so dam funny,
But I can't even see anyone when he's with me,
He says he's so in love, he's fin'lly got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night...

[Chorus:]

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar,
The only thing that keeps me wishin' on a wishin' star,
He's the song in the car I keep singin', don't know why I do...

[Verse 1:]

Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be,
[Teardrops On My Guitar lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

She better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky 'cause...

[Chorus]
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar,
The only thing that keeps me wishin' on a wishin' star,
He's the song in the car I keep singin', don't know why I do...

[Bridge:]
So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light,
I'll put his picture down and maybe get some sleep tonight...

[Chorus]
Cause he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar,
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart,
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do...

He's the time taken up, but there's never enough,
And he's all that I need to fall into..

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see...

"Bleeding Love" [Perfect one]Bleeding love sigh...
Closed off from love
I didn’t need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you’re frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone’s looking round
Thinking I’m going crazy

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing’s greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I’m going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don’t care what they say

[Bleeding Love lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I....

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it’s draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I’ll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I....

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I....

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love

Lastly, "Only god can explain"
There's a lot of things I understand
And there's a lot of things
I don't want to know
But you're the only face I recognize
It's so damn sweet of you
To look me in the eyes

Chrous:
It's all right, I'm O.K.
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get carried away
It's all right, I'm O.K.
I think God can explain
I'm relieved, I'm relaxed
I'll get over it yet

The scent of vaseline
In the summertime
The feel of an icecube
Melting over time
The world seems bigger than both of us
Yet it seems so small
When I begin to cry

Chorus

I'm so much better than you guessed
I'm so much bigger than you guessed
I'm so much brighter than you guessed

Chorus (last line changed to:)
I'll get off of your back

I think God can explain
I think God can explain
I think God can explain
[I Think God Can Explain Lyrics on



---
sweet songs..

*"My Valentine" comes into picture

If there were no words
No way to speak
I would still hear you
If there were no tears
No way to feel inside
I'd still feel for you

And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart until the end of time
You're all I need, my love, my Valentine

All of my life
I have been waiting for
All you give to me
You've opened my eyes
And showed me how to love unselfishly

I've dreamed of this a thousand times before
But in my dreams I couldn't love you more
I will give you my heart
Until the end of time...
You're all I need, my love, my Valentine

(SOLO)

And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart until the end of time
'Cause all I need is you, my Valentine
You're all I need, my love, my Valentine.

"goodnight goodnight"
You left me hanging from a thread we once swung from together
I lick my wounds but I can never see them getting better
Something’s gotta change
Things cannot stay the same

Her hair was pressed against her face, her eyes were red with anger
Enraged by things unsaid and empty beds and bad behavior
Something’s gotta change
It must be rearranged, oh

I’m sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl
It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of the heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right, yeah
Whoa

The room was silent as we all tried so hard to remember
The way it feels to be alive
The day that he first met her
Something’s gotta change
Things cannot stay the same

You make me think of someone wonderful, but I can’t place her
[Goodnight Goodnight lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

I wake up every morning wishing one more time to face her
Something’s gotta change
It must be rearranged, oh

I’m sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl
It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of a heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right

So much to love
So much to learn
But I won’t be there to teach you, oh
I know I can't be close
But I try my best to reach you

I’m so sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl
It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of a heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right, yeah
Whoa, oh…
Yeah

---

"lips of an angel" says it all
Honey why are you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk crying now.
Honey why you´re crying? Is everything okay?
I've gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud

Well, my girls in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words just makes me weak

And I
never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And, yes, I've dreamt of you too
Does he know you're talking to me?
Will it start a fight?
No I don't think she has a clue.

Well, my girls in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words just makes me weak.

And I
never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

Instrumental Break

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words just makes me weak.

And I
never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

And I
never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

Honey why are you calling me so late?

why should I?! *emo can?

I love myself.

It's my choice and decision.

It's my freedom and thinking.

It's my life and world.

why are you* alway affecting me?

I feel like 'you set a rule for me but you got another rule.' doesnt matter. There wont me any answer to my questions. It already puzzled me for almost 2years. Make me crazy, I will make insane decision.

I wanna survive alone. Independent. No one can affect me.

---

SP reject my appeal. Im so fucked once again. I need a smoke. I need to relax. I need to strive hard for my future. I will do better than you*! Enough! Im just going thru a lil part of life.

For some reason... I take back what I have said in the previous post...

LG Viewty KU 990

Take a Peek!

Listening to "Teardrops on my guitar", "Bleeding love" and "Say (All I need) make me feel like I am back in Bangkok with Mikhail. Take a look at the calendar, "3 march 08 - 6 march 08) make me feel rather low to know that I am back in Sg. Its not because I love Bangkok so much but just love the time with Mikhail so much. In a country, No one know us, No gossip from friends... I guess this was the most memorable moment for the year.

Without him knowing about that Saturday night, Sentosa, I wouldnt have even hear this with my own ears(sometimes people just need assurance on somethings, isnt it?). "Do You Know How Much I Love You?" If I know that long before, I wouldnt have go against him to do harm for the relationship, I wouldnt have go out of sg/disappear. For his few words in the sentence, forgive and forget w/o any complain for what he've done me wrong before. I wouldnt mind if I got no privacy... There's more to come...

I am on MC today. See a doctor, Went POSB n UOB. New CARDS!! I wonder what am I doing online in the past. Recently, theres nothing for me to do at all. Been reading xiaxue, dawn and ester's blog.

Xiaxue (www.xiaxue.blogspot.com) - interesting post, mean at times
Dawn (www.dawnyang.com) - boring, all about her life. Just there browsing pictures.
Ester (www.the-miracle-season.blogspot.com) - read for the sake of reading

Now I realise there's a lot people anti Dawn yang (perhaps she fake about her race and plastic surgery). I dont know for what reason but there's people creating a blog about her, editing on her post. http://weblog.xanga.com/dawn_wayang its kinda interesting though. I dont understand why are there people posting their own blog address in dawnyang's blog . But ester got free phone and camera. OH MAN! I want it too! LG KU 990. Been Eyeing for that.

Stomp! another interesting website! www.stomp.com.sg ! I should write about my wicked ITE Lecturer! One day when I am free! That's what I've been doing online.

My Mp3 spoil already. cant charge. Its time the mp3 dying. been using it since secondary school times. Time to get a Samsung mp3 or any nicer one?! I love all the touch-screen stuff. look so nice and cool.

Alright, I rush home waiting for Mikhail to call me. He NEED me to do some BETTING for him. LOL and so I am home now. Waiting like a fool for his call. (He is the one pleasing me to do him a favor but why am i the one waiting) WHAT TO DO!? lol...

stroll

Long weekend OVER! Back to work! I hate to do OT esp when I know that my pay is lil and I still have to do OT. Dont waste my life! Been trying to figure out how the whole system run in the company. A lil of achievement here! hehe! I know the rest of pile of work to do but I cant help much too. Moreover, I did not get extra pay. Its alway about money. During office hour, I produce my best of best work from me. After office hour, its kinda hard to focus though unless I get a pay rise or maybe at least pay me on OT.

Sunday was a enjoyable day. Someone brought me to science center. Its like "WOAH! YOU? To JURONG?!" its the company make it so fun.

Last night, jeremy call me. Miracle ah he will call me. His cousin wants my number. I told mik abt this and I just simply hate him saying "up to you" with !!! included somemore. anyway I am not interested with his cousin. unless he's a English man! or ... haha.. woo turns me on man!

Drifting way

Just cant stop listening to this song.

Past - Now

Everything is changing, Everybody is changing too. The 1st time I know him.

This phone
This bike
This character
This lifestyle

Now

That phone
That bike
Character I dont know
That lifestyle

Standing at a distance, looking at him. All I can say, two different world. So near yet so far. I dont know why, these image kept replaying whenever I think of him. "cycling at east coast. I was behind him" "he was riding bike, I was looking at him" "his lil tricks, his lil games" "the boy in him" I miss him. [teary]

Everything change so much. I cant say change but moving on so fast. I am still in the past. whatever. Today was so random.

Jazz Jazz

Just some random thoughts I have awhile ago. One of our friend is getting married, in fact, Im not close with her but just a random thoughts that they can really give in/sacrifice for the love. I dont mean it is wrong but at my age now, is the time that all of us enjoy. After getting married = game over for the fun. Fun as in, hanging out with friends, a lil of nightlife and life wont be the same like before. (oh man, why am I sound like marriage is like a lock-up). Alright, have not reach the stage, wont know how to feel like. But staying together with someone you love/like for a short period of time, it sure will feel like HEAVEN. But long term wise, HAHAHA, perhaps it need a lot of give and take. I mean I dont know.

I am not ready for all these. I want my career, my stable income to come 1st. I dont wanna rely on my damn future husband. hahaha! At least, one day, if he abandon me, I still can survive on my own. (im alway so negative huh) I am training myself, I wanna transform to someone different.

Blogging... I feel like Im communicating with myself. I mean, feel nice. Although it wont feel as good as talking to someone but at least ... u know.. haha

I got into this company. "Jim and Hall's" as a draughtsman. 9am - 6pm. Gotta extend working hours if there's unfinished work. A lil training for myself. Meantime, Im looking up for short courses. I will move on with this kind of job after I got a lil of experience.

Got A interview later at 915am. I doubt I can pass the interview. Portfolio so not professional. After interview, gotta go down to airport for my cheque.

I hope hes doing good...

laugh with my heart feel sour. smile with my heart bleeding. going on with life as if its really so happening, in fact, its a total mess. if everything still not go smoothly in 2months time, i will go with my last solution.

cried

Don is the person that let me open my eyes on what kind of men exist in this earth, someone who caused me so much problem, the first person to let me fall onto the solid ground hardly and a person who ruin my everything. I thought of revenge all these while. I never even forget the hurt he has given me. at times, im so tired of guess what some other people is thinking in mind. Im so tired of being someone alway having motive. So tired of thinkin and thinkin.

I want to be what I am before. Someone play too hard, forget about studies. Someone enjoy friends company without bothering are they using me. I wish I could restart my life to the year of 1989 sep 9. study hard, play hard and get to a good school. My parents wasnt well educated but they were happy go lucky parents. Perhaps that is where I learn about life a lil. So what if i envy friends that are rich and parents well educated. I never tot that this day will come. Study till no school accept me. Where's my goal ? I no longer know. Wheres my confident ? Wheres my courage ? Im so weak now.

One the previous post about liz... On that issue, I cried. Since when Ive become someone so weak?! my life is totally in a mess now. I never felt this way for so long and alway tot I am able to cope with all these again.

That shooting star I saw... I wish to be a successful person, to be rich. The second shooting star... I wish .../. My hand hurt. But Im enjoyin the pain. At least It distract a lil of my heartache. spacing out again. im so useless being a nineteen year old girl. realising mistakes too late. Rely on people too much. someone might as well just throw me to some place I dont know .

last few times, I wanna blade. knowing i will fall hard on the floor and gettin myself injure. enjoy my self torturing. Seeing blood I feel glad. im so sadistic. What should I do next? god, guide me thru this. I know its lil matter but please... I dont wanna feel any heartache. A person without feeling... how will it be like???

Mahjong

I cant sleep!! I slept at 6+am again! Last night I lose S$10 at mahjong At least not so bad la! I still prefer playing with my click. One of them stay at Bukit Timah condo, he say that the electricity were much expensive than the other estate. (i alway tot its all the same rating) I not use to taking sports bike can. damn scary and being stubborn, dont wanna anything. Cold sweat! I rather take public transport. haha.

Another mahjong section coming up. Xian and the rest making their way here already. wish me luck!

Loser

http://www.whosgoing.sg/viewprofile.php?id=60465

oh ya.. i met this fellow a few days ago. Oh man! its one of Worse people I ever met! Boy, things dont come easy =) I wonder why are there girls willing to have a fling like him? because he owns a MITSUBISHI GLX LANCER? and its a OFF PEAK CAR! RED COLOUR PLATE! lol. he wasnt as good looking in the pictures though. In fact, he is not good looking! lol!

he got really total off when i say "Im here for a chat. Nothing more" He sent me home straight. Hes a proud fellow and over-confident.

P.S : a superb car / bike is not going to attract me to be related to you. dont try to boast about your car, career or how good is your life. Open ur eyes and see people who are doing better than you. you're still at the beginning! total turn off boy!

Sometimes... thinking about it... looking at his life and my life... the lifestyle... everything is so different... esp when i take a look at his friendster profile.. i feel that theres a huge distant with him...

ITE

Now, let me ask you, why ITE having a term of 'Its The End'? Problem lies with the lecturer or the students? I believe problem lies with both sides though. I've met nice lecturer in ITE and taught me valuable lessons and life lessons. But some were just in school for the sake of the pay and themselves.

ITE is like a stepping stone to Polytechnic, a step forward to life. Its the environment and influences in school make it harder to study and concentrate. There will alway be students wanting to study hard and moving forward to their next steps of life. Admitting it was tough studying there, it wasnt because the module is tough but its the environment.

In ITE, I listen what I am suppose to do. any questions I rather to find out myself. Sometimes, I just need extra help from lecturer to do better. But how am I suppose to do better without the lecturer willingly help? There is once, I asked my lecturer a question, but she wasnt sure how to answer my question. instead of helping me and guiding me, she change the topic. I tried asking and explaining my questions for help but it wasnt helpful at all. About Autocad, I asked her some questions on this software instead of helping me, she push me to another lecturer. Now that my work was not up to her expectation (she grade student strictly when her teaching method seriously is not professional enough), she gave me a B. I need her testimonial to do a lil help for me to get into polytechnic. I do as what she says. Send my particular to her email. from then till now, i've tried calling her but she alway fail to pick up my call. I am student very concern about my future but she's not helping me. perhaps i should just help myself. one grade C pull all my grades down. I just need a n extra GPA 0.063 to go polytechnic.

p.s : Hopefully people going ite, get a nice lecturer. good luck

winks

lol... I deleted my friendster account for quite sometime and elaine just realise. tsk! they ask why and they are "DIAO" with my answer. Today's hang out was fun. Saw mik in the afternoon at tamp. actually i was guessing where he will be having lunch. but i just follow the flow. " with the fate, i will see him" the funniest part is why my heart beat so fast?! its not like im admiring him secretly. wahaha. nobody will view this blog and nobody cares. thats the best part! i can type in whatever I want. just a sudden feeling. liking someone but not being together wasnt that bad. but there's still souring feeling inside at times. There's sweet and sour feeling. when he move on, i will move on too. I have sort of expect for the worse though.

Meet up w xiu ling, aida, elaine and elaine's friend. lunch. pool. coffee. psp. I lost my ez link card today. no feeling though. later at night meet up w jerry at tampines together w aida for dinner. THE BIG BULLY OF THE DAY! JERRY! lol.

I feel like Im entertaining myself after certain things i've done. take it or leave it.

Bangkok~!

=((

What a day!

Damn printer! freak! I need to print some important documents earlier AND ... I found out that my freaky printer RAN OUT of ink! AND this make DON ... Hero of the day! He help me with the printing. Since he is in office.. "MAKE USE OF THE FACILITIES! THATS THE WAY!" lol

My pics were all in laptop. havent get a chance to use the lappy. Nevermind... one day i will post up the pics on bangkok. ONE DAY! Just summit DAE application form to NYP but I still have to send my result slip to the school by 14 march. What kind of student am i?! Not even a school want me! There's courses but im just being picky! maybe i should fuck off to oversea ya? hee

Edwin wanted to meet me but I just got so turn off to see him. IN FACT, I totally forget about Im meeting him earlier 6pm at tampines. I mean I dont feel comfortable with him. Dont feel enjoyable at all. why must I waste my energy?! Freak! go away!

Today - Chocolate Day for me! tit bits! haha!! Xian need a MC for 2days and I pretend to be lye xian hui for a couple of mins. "KENG" /"GENG" (whatever the spelling) just for my darling. USING the same of story.. "doc, i got a strain ligament. did x-ray. but still pain." and resulting 2DAYS MC!

smile

I was surprise that he called me early in the morning... sharing the same feeling as how i feel. I want him but i cant him. In the beginning, we said we will not think about how future will be like. I dont know how we go about but in the end, the future thingy still affect us. well.. let nature take its course. when its yours its yours. yep

i've done my appeal letter to sp and tender my resignation letter. now time to do some research on private school and study loan not forgetting going back to school for recommendation letter from former lecturer. my portfolio too ( very important) i need a superb ones and professional! so tough! =(

suntec IT show. I saw ivan again at IT show. tsk! i wonder why is there so many of blackie?! kept push and push! nb! feel like pushing them hard! forget it! LAPTOP LAPTOP LAPTOP! ate ice cream! so so nice... hehe.. chocolate!! jerry is sick in Cambodia. so poor thing.. must be enjoy too much with all the girls there. been treated like a king. being serve.

4D is really waste of money. tsk! not even near! not even a single sign of it! KNN!

p.s i wish i wish i wish ...

Imagine

Been thinking and imagine how life will be different going for oversea studying. I dont know why, but there's something that I just wanna run away from. I will feel totally relax not been in Singapore. No matter where, as long I step out of Singapore I feel great. But leaving here for oversea studies will be a great challenge for me. Im not strong enough, not independent enough. Perhaps I should just being throw somewhere knowing Im just alone and only I can help myself.

Bangkok is just a memory with him. Perhaps Im just finding reason running away. Im going nowhere with this damn nitec cert. Im so far away from what I wanted. No point complaining. Help myself!! arghh... focus on what I want in life now. no more boys boys thingy.

BANGKOK

Back In Singapore. I left my heart in bangkok. Forgot to bring it back. Spent a 4days 3nights there with Mikhail. Enjoyment all I can say. Shop till you drop. Everything I see I wanna buy. 4days and 3nights was so happy with him. Its just a short-term happiness. Back in Singapore = Back to reality. Been observing and seeing him from behind without any judging. Hes been so nice making sure Im not lost, holding me tight when we are at sleazy area. I guess this trip was so sweet and nice becos of his company. In fact this trip leave me wanting him even more. But knowing that impossible and sadly leaving it behind.

1st day then 2nd day then come the 3rd day (wish it was just the 1st day) and I got so so low when its the 4th day. Shop and shop, explore and explore. =) Pictures and videos i want it to be in here. Sealed it in my memories.

The bedrooms. The Taxi. The skytrain. The environment. The massage. The kisses. The hugs. The hands. I miss them all. Happiness alway will come to an end. Gotta move on again.

I'll be back Bangkok!

---

My application for poly was unsuccessful. I got so lost, confused, sad and pressured. Hours of thinking.

First, I shall

Appeal again
then
Private
then
Oversea studies

Gotta check out the study loan. The courses. So what if I got top 25% in the whole school. In The End (ITE), I fail to go poly. My mood level is blinking. (low) My emotional level is blinking too. I feel like Im left with nothing. Im so useless right now. Im so dependent. Im feel like Im a child knowing nothing at all. My confident level is blinking also. Im so so low right now.

go away!

Im going bangkok in a day time! =)

Oh.. someone beat around the bush asking if Im going oversea this coming good friday?! I dont even know good friday is any nearer. He already knows that Im going then why he need to beat around the bush?! I simply dont care if he knows about it at 1st I just want him to get the idea of GET OUT OF MY LIFE! And he start off with a "girls are complicated" eh! but your brain consider as the MUCH COMPLICATED ONES AMONG THE MALE SPECIES. even you're trying to be concern or kpo or whatever ... I DONT KNOW WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM! (too complicated) im sorry but I just dont like it. esp on giving me ur "ADVICE" or "YOUR SAY". but what do you know?! or how much you know?! BItCH!! BITCH!
i shall call you the "complicated boy"
Its my space. I got my rights to complaint here!

Im still totally in love with my PSP. tsk!